The Unpolished Princess

Start: 1445.4

Stop: 1451.5

Today’s miles: 6.1

Total PCT miles: 70.4

Last night the rain stopped for a couple hours, and I did get up and make myself eat dinner, then I read a bit before falling asleep. I got up, ate breakfast, packed and was on the trail by 6:40, ready to make today a success.

My optimism lasted a few minutes. After I rounded that original corner and hit snow again, I rolled my ankle twice and fell at least 3 times, all before 7:15. I put my microspikes on and lived in them all day. Yesterday, when I thought things looked steep, was a joke. Today. Oh my god. Today.

I saw the first trail junction with a “dirt road” that crisscrosses the PCT multiple times in this area. That road is called “Summit Lake Road.” That road was definitely under snow. I started off following the trail, but when it crossed again with this road I decided to follow it instead, because I was gaining elevation and there was even more snow, so the trail seemed less safe-it was up and down and through trees, at least a road would be clearly easier to follow-just look for the wide path without trees, right? Ha.

It started off that way. And it started off with mostly snow on top of the road and no real “slopes.” I also saw huge bear footprints here, too. And a cute deer! It was exciting! But all of that quickly changed. It turned into huge snow drifts over the road, to where the whole thing was just snowy mountain. Then, as it continued to climb in elevation, it got to the point that I literally couldn’t tell which way it was going. I was constantly checking my GPS, making sure I was on the road, more than half the time I wasn’t.

I’d try to follow it and then come to a steep drop off or a huge climb and have to figure out other ways around it. I was pretty good at powering up the climbs in the snow, though I did fall and slide quite a bit. I got really scared when I’d get to the top of a climb only to realize the trail goes the other way and there is an even scarier descent on this side now to get to the right spot.

I’d find myself on wide open bluffs, covered in snow, slipping and sliding (not in the fun Nicki Minaj kinda way lol), and honestly fearing I’d start sliding down this mountain and not be able to stop. So, while on the “road” and realizing it wanted me to traverse down and back up this valley with no safety net to stop me if I slipped-I started shaking and completely panicking before deciding I needed to backtrack to the trail.

The trail at this point was at a lower elevation than the road. So surely, that has to be safer, at least, that’s what my train of thought was. I backtracked to a place where my GPS said the trail and the road were at the closest point to “bushwhack” through to it. It wasn’t real bushwhacking-it was sliding down hill from one tree well to the next.. I felt more comfortable with the tree wells, because while they were maybe my height deep, I could actually see the ground these trees were attached to. Something solid.

After plenty of palpitations, near tears, and a lot of fear, I hit the “trail” and started following it. I’m some places there were footprints to follow, but it was just as snowy and required constant GPS to stay on track. Some places were just as steep. I would start going up and slip and come back down. I’d be at the top, traversing on a slant and slip and slide far down and have to climb back up. I started making sure my body was always positioned towards a tree well, so if I slipped, I’d at least only go as far as the tree.

Now, I just want you to know, sliding on snow is all fun and games at Stone Mountain’s “Snow Mountain” or whatever-here, in the middle of the wilderness, alone, with not another soul in site and your final resting spot not always being perfectly visible, is absolutely the scariest thing I’ve ever been through. I slid so far the one time, I was going so fast, I truly thought my legs would be broken when I hit the tree. I had enough time sliding to think, “Bend your knees! Bend your knees! Bend your knees! “Ben—“ before I slammed into it, hard. So hard that stuff flew out of my pack and I just sat in that hole, both feet planted into the tree and my entire backside in snow and ice. I was visibly shaking. So badly that when I first attempted to get up and grab my things, I couldn’t.

I laid back, tilting my head to the sky, and wondering why the hell am I doing this?! After some deep breathing and calming myself, still shaky, I got up, put my stuff together, sipped some water, and pushed back up that mountainside. I took a picture of the area I slid from, man I wish it really showed you how steep it actually was. Wheewwww.

Around 2pm, I was on top of another snowy bluff and looking out at the direction the trail was supposed to be taking me. It looked like it was literally on the ridge line, up and down at least 3 big mountain tops. I could see snow everywhere, and minimal trees. I almost started to cry, I was in direct sun, and scared as hell. I called Andrea, praying she’d be able to help calm me down..Which thankfully she did. Just knowing she knew where I was and that she knew I was scared really helped me feel less alone up there.

Once I got down, then back up and over one of the ridge’s humps, I found myself in the middle of two vertical climbs. Mind you, to get to this middle spot, I had to climb down a vertical drop along the trees-as in, limb to limb, otherwise I would have slid down to this embankment that I could see snow breaking off on the right side of.. I was about to start charging up the other side when I realized there was a cornice or snow shelf that looked very close to breaking off where the other footsteps were. And then I saw the little opening on the left side between some manzanita bushes.. it was a wider snow free area than I realized!

I immediately sat down, grateful to be on solid ground. My legs stung from the tiny scrapes and scratches, my ankle throbbed, my heart pounded. I pulled up the app and realized I was going to be on this ridge line for miles.. with the next mile to be reported as “very dangerous right now.” What the hell? And after that mile, I’d still have plenty to go and then I’d have to get over grizzly peak. One report said don’t take the trail, take the “road” because it’s safer. Someone else said take the trail-the road is too steep and dangerous. I was at a loss.

So, I decided to set up camp right there. At 2:30 in the afternoon. The longer I sat there, the more anxious I got. At one point, I think I was hyperventilating. I could literally see both climbs, one back the way I came-terrifying-and one I knew nothing about except it’s apparently worse than what I went through to get here. And THEN I realized I had technically only hiked SIX MILES today. Since 6:40am! My god. All of this struggle and stress and I’ve only gone SIX MILES?!

I was so worked up, I couldn’t eat lunch. Or dinner. Please know, ladies and gents, I do not miss meals. And I physically couldn’t do it. The idea of opening my food bag made me nauseous. I don’t know if that’s because I was thinking I could be getting stuck there for a few more days than I thought or what.. but I couldn’t even force myself to eat some candy. Nothing. And I only had a little over a liter of water left. I didn’t realize I drank so much on my last “sip.”

Also. During my anxiety fits: sitting, standing, pacing, noticing some of those tracks I thought were shoe prints were actually bear prints-and clearly at least one bear also likes to camp right here-I decided to see if I had service and I posted on a Facebook group for the PCT asking for advice. As I’m doing so, I realized my battery pack that usually gets me 6-7 charges only has one charge left. So, I asked for advice and then said I’m turning my phone off until morning to save battery-and did just that.

I laid there staring blankly, watching the sunset, wanting to look up stuff or type up this journal, but knowing I couldn’t turn my phone back on and waste my precious battery life. Then, my overthinking mind went wild. I was picturing going over these peaks and slipping to my death. Or slipping to not my immediate death but my prolonged, I’m stuck in a tree with broken limbs and they can’t find me death, to traversing the steep valley and causing an avalanche and being smothered by snow, to falling into one of these snow holes and never being found again. Yeah. I slept really good. With absolutely no clue what do when I woke up. But also, really thankful for this dry outcropping that let me know I would 100% be safe tonight and I would 100% wake up in the morning. That sole thought was comforting.

Start: 1451.5

Stop: 1447.1

Today’s miles: technically 9.9, but ZERO

Total PCT miles: 70.4

My watch started vibrating at 4:30am, and I woke up to wind whipping through my tent and howling like coyotes. It was cold, and dark..Except the moon was still out and there was a glow from the snow surrounding me. It really messes with your head that something that can be so dangerous and utterly petrifying can also be so beautiful.

I took my synthroid and decided to wait until the sky was a little more bright before getting up. At 5:15, I snagged my food and made breakfast, while turning on my cellphone for the first time since the evening before. When it came alive, I still had 100% battery, and my battery pack still had the hopeful 1 charge left. I didn’t immediately have service. I popped up and walked around my little snow free haven until all my notifications started digging. I already had palpitations.

I don’t know what I thought I’d find on that Facebook post, maybe nothing at all or a few “good lucks” but I was immediately overwhelmed. There were over 12 comments, at length.. and those were just the ones that would load. While I was skimming through, I was watching my charge drop, I was already at 98%. Shit. The long comments I just screen shot and went on to the next. When I thought I had pictures of them all, I quickly turned my airplane mode back on. Then went to read them from my pictures.

I saw one with a phone number in it, from a man named Mark, telling me I was supported and that if I needed him to, he’d come get me. He also said to message him on my garmin if I lost service and to keep him updated on my choice, so they’d know I was safe. One of the other men, Jay, said that there was a large group of hikers maybe a day behind me, and they should be catching up to me today, if I could be patient and wait for them, I could proceed with new friends instead of alone.

There were others, offering support, and love, and many saying there’s no shame in turning around and going back the way I came, if it meant my safety and my life, (I just don’t know that they realized I was petrified to go back, too.) I started to cry a little, reading these.

Then, one of the guys that went through about 10 days before me responded a very long message. He gave advice. Said everything I needed to know about getting over the section I was so concerned about. Then he said, “assess your situation. Food? Do you have enough? Stamina? Do you have any injuries keeping you from hiking normal?” And then he said, “no shame in backtracking, pushing forward will be a risk if you don’t have the power to keep your phone and map going.”

I took a deep breath, packed everything, got my microspikes on, loaded my pack on my back, and started walking to the snow. I looked up at the vertical climb I hadn’t touched yet, pulled my phone out, 96% battery, and turned around and starting climbing up the tree branches and limbs sticking out of the snow that I had scrambled down yesterday. I hadn’t fully decided until that moment which way I really thought I should go, but I knew I couldn’t sit still, and watching my battery disappear before my eyes meant I needed to get a move on. Now.

Using my GPS on the FarOut app, I decided to attempt to go back the road, the one I got most of the way on and backtracked to the trail yesterday. At least today, that crazy bluff would be a climb to from this side, and I already knew I could at least survive everything on the other side.. I just had to get there. I got off track at least 5-6 times just in this small section. I got so excited to see footprints ahead that I rushed to get to them, only to realize they were bearprints, and they were fresh, AND they were headed perfectly on route with the road. Crap.

I detoured purposefully to the trees opposite of those tracks. When I was up on the next bluff, the opposite side of the same one I’m pretty sure I called Andrea from yesterday during my meltdown, I tried for service. I actually had 3 bars! Heck yeah! I texted Mark, from that post. I told him I was backtracking to that road junction and planning to take the forest service roads down to highway 89. I let him know, too, that my phone for some reason wasn’t loading the whole road, I guess since it wasn’t Trail, and asked if he could help me confirm the exact road I needed to make sure I was on.

He immediately responded! He was going to get maps out and make sure I took the right road (these are all currently dirt roads covered in snow), and he comforted me by saying many other hikers have bailed from where I am, so he knew that the service roads would safely get me to 89, and that he’d go sweep up and down 89 until he found me. My god, what an Angel on earth! I thanked him and said I’d message him from my garmin once I got to the junction, I was a mile away still. He agreed and said he’d update me on the maps then too, and update my post on FB of my decision, so people wouldn’t be worried.

Off I went. I was still scared. Still a bit shaky, but eventually found my own footprints from yesterday when I turned around! I knew I was going to be ok, as long as I kept taking good safe steps. I kid you not, after 2 and a half days of seeing no other living being besides a few birds and a deer, I had a hiker coming my way. Cowbell! He camped one night with Andrea and I! He didn’t even have on microspikes! Wow!

We chatted a minute, he said more hikers were coming, and while the terrain sucked, he found it less stressful than the sierras. Humph. Part of me immediately thought, dammit, I should have just waited. I told him I was bailing and he didn’t outwardly judge me like I was judging myself. Oh well, I damn sure wasn’t turning around now when I was less than half a mile from the road and only had an estimated 5 miles down to get to the highway. My poor nervous system was already on the fritz.

We carried on our separate ways, and less than 10 minutes later, a man came up behind me! He’s a Danish man hiking a section, and today is his day 3! He crossed over grizzly peak and said he camped on the other side of that peak from me! Literally “less than a kilometer at most, but I slept on snow, I liked your dry spot when I passed it this morning.” SERIOUSLY!?

He did say it was treacherous and he was glad that part was over, but was also cheerful and appeared completely unafraid. We hiked together a bit, ran into a friend of cowbell’s, who also hated the road but agreed the trail was way worse. I had to keep reminding myself that just because we all ran into each other at 10 in the morning, does not mean I would have definitely seen them and would have been able to cross with them. What if they somehow found a safer, lower elevation route from where I found myself stuck yesterday? Hindsight, sure, but I wouldn’t have been able to guarantee I’d have found them.

When I got to the crossing, I messaged Mark and started my watch tracking so I could guesstimate better on how close I was getting to the highway. Poptart, who I hiked a lot of the AT with, did the PCT last year and just so happened to leave a very detailed comment explaining the roads to get down for the HWY, so even if Mark hadn’t come through and confirmed with me, Poptart’s comment would have gotten me on the correct path. Funny how things like that work out!

The first 2 miles were snow covered, but every half mile or so it became less drifty and more “road like.” Once I hit that stretch of road without snow, or at least, not completely blanketed in snow, I physically felt the relief wash over my entire body. I knew I was safe, I was out of what I felt was immediate life threatening danger, even if saying that now feels a bit dramatic.. I was truly fearful of dying up there.

Not 5-10 minutes after my flood of relief, the aches and pains started to appear. My right ankle throbbed to the point I was walking funny on my right foot. My arms ached from hauling this body and pack around up and down, lifting myself in a panic out of tree wells and through downed trees and whatnot. The scrapes on my legs stung, and then I noticed many were actively bleeding-not like to death, by any means.. but tiny trickles dripping down in multiple spots. Hmmm. I guess all that Adrenaline does make every ache and unnecessary to survival pain pipe down.

I messaged Mark when I heard cars, and then the road had a bit of an incline (it was an actual hard packed dirt road by now). I limp and huff up the little hill only to see a silver sliver up ahead: THE HIGHWAY! Cars were flying by on the 2 lane PAVED road! I made it! When I got to the intersection, I dropped everything and sat down. I was in the process of pulling off my socks and shoes when Mark pulled up. Man, I was so happy to see this stranger. Someone I was seeing for the first time but who had the ability to make me feel so safe and cared for-via text no less! I definitely fought back tears.

He offered me a Gatorade and he started driving me to Dunsmuir, California. My new pack was waiting for me at a motel there. On the ride, he was telling me about how my post touched him because it was so honest and vulnerable, that he and the other trail angels were up worried about me, and trying many different avenues to get information to me. They reached out to other hikers they knew were nearby, to see if they could get to me, so I wouldn’t be alone. He said he was so relieved when I said I was bailing and coming out-because he personally had picked up almost 10 hikers that bailed, too, and knew hikers that made it acros, all of which said they should have turned around before finding themselves face to face with that mess.

He dropped me off at my motel, with promises to keep in touch. Mom had already called the motel and got me a reservation for tonight, since I wasn’t planning on making it here for another 2 days, minimum. (Thanks, mom, I love you!). They let me check in immediately. I showered using their soaps and winced the whole time. Everything stung or hurt, and even after washing for a solid 20 minutes, I still felt dirty, but was too exhausted to continue standing there.

I put on my rain gear and gave the motel attendant the rest of my clothes for them to wash for me. It was $10 cash, and as long as I didn’t have to go anywhere to do it, I didn’t care. I sat outside on the patio chairs, knowing if I went inside I’d collapse. I checked that FB post and responded to the people kind enough to leave comments there. Many were “please let us know when you’re safe,” and “knowing when to bail is an act of valor!” And Mark’s update that I was backtracking and safe, and that he was in contact with me. This whole community coming together for me just blows my mind. Even now I’m tearing up over it. How willing these strangers were to drop everything to make sure I got out of a sticky situation safely just really makes me grateful.

One hiker who did successfully make it through wrote, “I can come to you and we can hike out together, just let me know soon.” I wish I had seen that, because then I realized before she hiked on, she was sitting there waiting to see if she needed to come back to help me.. over something many keep calling dangerous and unsafe. We’ve been in contact today, too.. as we both don’t know where to go from here and maybe will hike together.. but I’m too damn worn out and overwhelmed to even pretend I could make a game plan today.

My current game plan: order pizza to be delivered. Get my clean clothes back. Eat. Pass out. I’ve talked to mom, I’ve bought an overpriced drink from the motel lobby, and that’s all I have in me to do today. C’mon pizza!

In the middle of the night, I woke up needing to turn off of my hip (I’m a side sleeper), and my arms were so sore I couldn’t lift myself up to roll over! My goodness, I guess my body was really hiding a lot of stress from myself during those snow filled days!

I took some ibuprofen and fell back to sleep, after wincing and yelping out in pain. I woke up again at 10am to my phone going off: mom calling. She could hear in my voice yesterday of how stressed I had been and how exhausted I was, so she was just checking in. During the scary parts of those last few days, I never told her I was worried, otherwise she’d just be sitting there worried, too. But now that I was safe, I let her hear it all.

I was super stiff and all of my muscles ached. My brain felt like it was still in a fog, not completely sure it was allowed to relax completely or not. I was slow getting anything done. I walked to the gas station a little ways a way and got some drinks, then came back to eat some left over pizza. I turned on a Law and Order SVU marathon for background noise as I moseyed through my gear, opened my new pack, and set to reorganizing my life.

I was in contact with Dusty, the hiker yesterday that was wanting to figure out a game plan. After lots of research, and even more giving up half way through and starting again-reading every single comment on FarOut and looking at snow on Postholer.com I decided I wanted to jump ahead to Seiad Valley, California, and hike north from there.. slowly.. to give the snow more time to melt. There is a small chunk of miles starting in Seiad valley that are snow free, and then only three areas saying there’s snow for 5-10 mile stretches, BUT every single one had comments saying “snow free campsite!” And “snow on trail but the road is dry!” So, fingers crossed this isn’t a complete bust.

I organized everything and made a list of stuff in needed to get today. I was going to also swing by the post office-but-lo and behold-it is indeed Sunday. Looks like I’ll have to stay here tonight regardless and get a later leave in the morning. The post office opens at 8:30, and the bus half way to Seiad Valley also leaves at 8:30. The next one is at 9:30, which I’ll try to make.

I walked to the dollar general on the other end of this 1.5 mile stretch of town. The walk was a pretty one, each of these mountain houses on Main Street covered in gorgeous flowers.. I’ve never seen so many homes on par with being beautifully well manicured. About half way there, I was miserable. I was wearing my long sleeve sun shirt, because I don’t have another shirt, but I also had on my black wool sleep leggings, because my legs still needed a break from each other, specifically my thighs. Dang those things love to be close to each other.

It was 88 degrees, I was actively pouring sweat and having to laugh at the fact that yesterday my feet were numb in snow. So weird. The dollar general had most of what I wanted: nail polish (don’t judge me), shampoo/conditioner/dial soap so I could really feel clean, food for breakfast and lunch.. the only thing they didn’t have was bandaids. Annoying.

I left there and headed to the grocery store, about midway back to my motel room. I got bandaids and peroxide there, my one gash on my right hip looks a little sketchy. And then I walked across the street to a brewery. Mainly because it was sweltering hot and a cold beer sounded delightful. Inside, I saw a couple that was clearly thruhiking. They were talking to someone about how scary Grizzly Peak was!

They invited me to sit with them, Jelly and TakeCharge, and when I said my name they immediately knew about me on that ridge line! Someone had reached out to them to see if they were anywhere near me to be able to get to me so I could hike out with them! But they were already too far ahead to turn back. They were going to wait where they were for me though, to make sure I was safe and ok if I attempted to go over yesterday morning. Just, wow. A true network of angels were at work for me and I had no clue how far they were reaching to get me to safety. I was almost in tears again.

They showed me pictures and videos and I was relieved I backtracked. They were getting picked up today to get a ride in to Redding, to rent a car and go explore the Redwoods for a bit, to give the snow time to melt. Not a bad idea, at all! We sat and chatted for a good long while, then, close to 5pm, we all departed.

I made it back to my hotel room, showered again with all the good stuff and finally felt clean. I put on deodorant-the one thing I just KNEW to leave at home.. because, while I’ll stink regardless out here, the chaffing my pits decided to unleash on me is next level irritation. So, for now, until some of the chunk disappears (which it BETTER BE on its way out the door, crappy thyroid or not), I’ll be toting deodorant religiously.

I painted my nails and cut them, too. Finalized my gear, got stuff situated to ship.. watched SVU and worked on this blog. The time flew by. Before I knew it, it was after 1am! So, I turned everything off and tried to make myself sleep. I tossed and turned a lot, but it wasn’t too terrible. Tomorrow is a busy day of post office visits, bus rides, and hitch hikes. Let’s all pray it goes smoothly!